Forget lumps of coal: Kale candy canes, ‘clamdy' canes and ‘hamdy' canes are here to ruin Christmas

Need to send a message to someone who’s been less than perfect this year? Novelty candy and toy seller Archie McPhee has you covered — now you can stuff the stockings of those on your naughty list with kale candy canes!

“We're just happy to be able to take America's favorite vegetable and make it a part of Christmas. It's like Taylor Swift and Beyonce releasing an album together!” said David Wahl, Director of Awesome (that's his actual title, by the way) at Archie McPhee.

The kale candy canes are a deceivingly minty shade of green, but don’t worry, the product description promises that the candy canes taste “just like the kale you love,” full of bitterness and grassy undertones.

They’re perfect for tricking your toddler who throws tantrums when asked to eat vegetables or for filling the stocking of a spouse who always forgets to fill yours!

Want to make things even more exciting? Decorate your Christmas tree with both kale candy canes and pickle candy canes (also from Archie McFee) which look almost exactly alike and can basically only be told apart by the outer packaging.

Delight your friends and family all season long with the thrill of not knowing if eating this green candy cane will feel like tripping and falling face first into the garden or like drinking brine straight out of the pickle jar.

If the thought of kale candy canes doesn’t put you right in the holiday spirit, fear not!

This holiday season, Archie McPhee is also making “hamdy" canes, which — you guessed it — are ham flavored. What could be more quintessentially symbolic of the holidays than a Yule Ham? A hamdy cane, of course — it’s classic and contemporary all at once, a truly timeless treat.

“We think ham flavor is going to be the pumpkin spice of Christmas. Eventually, you’ll be able to get a ham latté,” the product description reads. “To get the ball rolling, we’ve created Hamdy Canes!”

Archie McPhee, which made headlines last year for releasing mac ‘n cheese flavored candy canes — “It’s like comfort food-flavored comfort food!" — also offers pizza candy canes and bacon candy canes, as well as "clamdy" canes for the truly brave at heart.